This Year's Candidates

So, what's done is done. Previous candidates have been thusly enshrined, and now it becomes time to decide on this year's inductee.

The DHMC NYE party host has been attempting to push his weird Kurt Russell fetish for three years. One must admit, he's relatively handsome. He's got the body of work (we'll ignore Captain Ron). He's a contender.

Other members have been clamoring for a little pepper in our salt. Denzel Washington is 52 and has the body of work, but, some have argued that he is too young looking and much more hot than handsome. He needs more grizzle...possibly a role for which he is required to grow a beard. Morgan Freeman has also entered the discussion, although there are concerns that while handsome, there is simply no way he can hang with Sean Connery. Edward James Olmos is captain of his own starship, but not nearly mansome enough. Tom Selleck's name may again be bandied about, but concerns over his overall body of work may still abound (although, IMHO the role of Thomas Magnum should garner immediate entry into DHMC).

Other members have proposed added a deceased wing to our hall of hansomeness. There's Sir Alec Guiness...Jimmy Stewart...but we're not sure if we are sophisticated enough to intelligently discuss movies before Technicolor. There were way too few realistic explosions before 1970.

Lastly, we will probably still hammer out details about the essentially dead triumverate who have thriving careers but have aged poorly; Paul Newman, Robert Redford, and Clint Eastwood. We'll have to see.

Anyway...the vote is on for tomorrow night.

Inductee #4 - Mel Gibson (inducted circa 2004)

(image copied copied copied from http://2.bp.blogspot.com...not sure what their policy is...but attribution accomplished)

Ah...good ole conflicted Mel. First of all, we screwed up. We're not sure if we were still drunk on Braveheart, or if we had too many glasses of bubbly (actually, bottles of Labatt Blue), or if the two probationary members of Handsome Man were unduly influenced by its charter members, but we inducted William Wallace two years shy of his fiftieth birthday.

It's a good thing for him, too. The vote was tight as it was, as he only narrowly beat out Bruce Willis. Imagine we had to take into account all of his bearded weirdness and Hebrew hatin'. Sugar tits Mel may have been permanently outside looking in, a la Pete Rose.

Anyhoo...we near and around Buffalo, NY refuse to take O.J.'s name off the Ralph Wilson stadium hall of fame. So we don't think a little drunken hate-jewery (tom-foolery?) deserves such severe sanctions.

Anyway...Mel Mel Mel. He's damn handsome. He's got an accent. He twice played characters rebelling against oppressive English rule. He loves Jesus. He can grow a sweet Pepe Le Pew beard. And, he's slightly south of crazy. Oooo...dangerous and damn handsome.

Now let's get to that body of work. First of all, he was so bad ass in Braveheart that that alone garners consideration. Then, take into account the pre-Joe Pesci/Chris Rock/Rene Russo Lethal Weapons. Add a dash of paranoia, a sprinkle of Salinger (Conspiracy Theory), and a decent comedic game of cards (Maverick). He was good in early turns such as Gallipoli and The Year of Living Dangerously. He was Mad Max, for Alec Guiness' sake. Plus, Tequila Sunrise was pretty sweet. Dude's done it all, done it pretty well, and then directed.

He's in baby, and he's staying.

IMDB
Wikipedia

Inductee #3: Harrison Ford (inducted circa 2002)

(dowloaded, subsequently uploaded, and placed on this website without permission from http://handson.provocateuse.com)

Harrison Ford was Indiana Jones and Han Solo. Indiana Jones AND Han Solo. How much more damn handsome could two characters be? One a swashbuckling, gritty, woman seducing fighter for good. The other a reckless, indifferent, sardonic smuggler (with his own spaceship...SCORE!) with an affinity for large dogs. Indiana Jones AND Han Solo. Man. Handsome. Damn.

Let's check the man holy trinity.
Submarine movie? K-19 Widowmaker...check.
Spy Film? Jack Ryan...check.
Was he a knight? Actually, no...but we'll happily substitute futuristic private eye (Blade Runner). You could also make the argument that, for many, Star Wars has become the modern heroic myth and that, furthermore, Solo's transition from detached mercenary to committed combatant for peace and justice gives him a place at the proverbial round table.

Now, I know he's made some stinkers lately. But, consider the rest of his work pre Ally McBeal and earring.

Fugitive, Witness, Presumed Innocent, American Graffiti, and a cup of coffee in one of the greatest war movies of all time, Apocolypse Now. I have a faint recollection of Mosquito Coast, and that was pretty good too.

So there you go...his damn handsomeness is ozone off the charts, he was Indy, Han AND Jack Ryan. That boy good. He good.

Internet Movie Database Entry
Wikipedia Entry
HarrisonFordWeb

Inductee #2 - Sir Sean Connery (inducted circa 2001)

(taken and edited without permission from http://t1.images.live.com/images/)

Okay...so here's the situation. You're alone at a bar in say, Key West. The thick hot air hangs like a blanket pulled too early from a dryer. The only light in the bar is the electric blue of broken down jukebox and the holiday lights hung around the shelves of liquor. The bar is nearly empty. Six drinks in, you rock on your wooden bar stool. Out of the darkness, you hear a deep Scottish brogue, "Howshe about a Shcotch, shir?"

Tell me you wouldn't.

Anyhoo...Connery is the litmus test of our club. Each New Year's Eve, we go round and round in our discussion of possible candidates. We always come back to the same question. Can the dude hang with Sean Connery? Usually, the answer is a resounding no.

First off, the man is the epitome of damn handsome man-ness.

Secondly, he's got the body of work. He hits the man holy trinity: submarine movie (Hunt for Red October), medeval movie (First Night), and spy film (D'uh). He's got the geek factor as he was Indiana Jones' father. He was in The Untouchables and has one of the all time best lines ("...you bring a knife to a gunfight..."). He's got the war film in Bridge Too Far. He also has the grumpy reluctant teacher in Finding Forrester.


Sure, he's got made some dubious career choices (League of Extraordinary Gentleman? Highlander II? WTF?), but we try to make conscious decisions to vote in candidates on their merits, not their brief forays into B-movie mediocrity.

Internet Movie Database Entry
Wikipedia Entry
Sean Connery Official Website

Inductee #1- Patrick Stewart (inducted circa 1999)

(picture lifted without permission from http://www.cinemacomrapadura.com.br/)

Luckily K-man, the other charter member, and myself slipped P-Stew into the club before we could be outvoted by our other members, who, by the way, would never even think of driving around with a "United Federation of Planets Delegate" bumper sticker on their car.

But, what can you say about the Picard? He captained his own starship, which, in my opinion, should garner instant admission into the damn handsome man's club (although...Shatner...just couldn't make the list because....of...his pudginess....post...Starfleet...career moves...and...most importantly...his signing career. Other than Trek, he simply does not have the overall body of work required. However, I plan to offer up Edward James Olmos for consideration this year.)

Aside from Trek, Jean-Luc's body of work is certainly impressive (although not as impressive as later members). He was thrice Professor Xavier (clairevoyant wheelchair handomness), appeared in Dune and Excaliber, and has made guest appearances in such young man fare as The Simpsons, Family Guy, and Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius. He popped up in Conspiracy Theory, L.A. Story, and Robin Hood: Men in Tights. While we do acknowledge that this is a very light cinematic resume for inclusion in our prestigous club, we were willing to accept his Shakespearean fondness and his other stage work in making our final determination. Plus, we're fairly certain he did a lot of British stuff that we never heard of. Plus, he's British, which can sometimes sway our panel, depending on the degree and slant of Britishness.

More about Patrick Stewart:
Internet Movie Database Entry
Wikipedia Entry
The Patrick Stewart Network

The Beginning...

In the beginning, God created damn handsomeness. Much, much later, he created a collection of men to appreciate it. Since this site of unadulterated handsomeness homage is being created several years after the club's meager beginnings, we must hereby celebrate previously inducted members into the club before contemplating this year's contenders.

It is also important to note that the Damn Handsome Man Club only votes on new members on New Year's Eve nights when certain measures of privacy, sanctity and safety have been ensured. Therefore, when forced to celebrate NYE outside of a certain member's basement, we tend not to discuss damn handsomeness. Therein lie the induction gaps.